I am a dreamer. I’ve always had big ideas and bigger plans. When I was a little girl I thought I might write children’s stories. For a while I thought maybe I would make a great teacher. Then there was the short-lived dream of singing with a southern gospel quartet (true story) followed by dreaming of a stint on Broadway. When I started music lessons in high school I fell in love and decided to become a music teacher and arranger. But even then I had a back-up plan in case that didn’t work. I took extra classes to qualify as a teacher if necessary and really wondered if I might be a part of a church-planting team or a pastor’s wife. Oddly enough,
God had other plans.
Immediately after college I began working as an admin assistant at a local church. I loved the work I did and ended up being rather good at it. During that time I discovered graphic design and fell in love all over again. After years of teaching myself and getting some tutoring on the job, I finally decided to go back to school to get a degree in the field. Shortly after I began school, God began stirring in my heart the desire for women’s ministry. I thought I was finally coming to the place where my passions and placement were coming together. I would support myself through freelance graphic design while ministering to women. What a perfect plan!
But wait…there’s more.
In the process of learning about trafficking and women’s ministry I began feeling the need for education in counseling. To be honest, I resisted this new direction. I thought that if I really felt strongly about it in a few years, I would pursue counseling after I finished my art degree. I didn’t want to start over. I didn’t want to “waste” all the money and time I had invested in design. I felt threatened. I didn’t want God to take away the art that I love.
I prayed and researched my options. I questioned my feelings and prayed some more. I asked for advice. I considered some non-college courses, but due to the nature of the abuse I expect to be dealing with, I felt a degree in crisis counseling would be more beneficial. I prayed some more. I applied to a new school to test the waters, but didn’t register for courses. I wanted an escape route. I questioned my past choices. Why did I go to a Bible college? Why did I take art classes? How is this all part of God’s plan? Am I really listening to His voice or am I just going with the whims of my own heart?
But then, as I was preparing for the Infusion Bible Study I lead on Monday nights I read this:
There is a real difference between adding the Spirit to your life and actually following Him minute by minute. If you add the Spirit to your life, you’re not open to change; you just want to enhance what you’re already doing. This is not what the Spirit came to do.
On the other hand, if you begin following the Spirit’s leading in your life, you will find yourself changing. The Spirit may prompt you to let go of things that were once important to you. He may even call you to give up some good things in your life, at least for a time, in order to accomplish His purposes in and through you.
– Francis Chan, The Forgotten God
The life God has for me is better compared to a prism than a path.
Every turn catches the light in different ways, but every change is beautiful. It’s all part of the whole. The whole of me. Of who God wants me to be.
I learned things at Bible college I could never learn at an accredited university. I learned things in art school that made me a better artist and a better person. All along the way I have met people that play into my future in ways that I’m not even aware of yet.
Regardless of the steps I took, I never left God’s hand.
I’m still a “diamond in the rough” but with each refining change God makes, I reflect His light more purely and beautifully. Instead of resisting the process and regretting the changes, I am embracing them for the beautiful rainbow of purpose that they are…and I look forward to seeing how God uses every facet for His will in years to come.
Photo credit: Laurence & Annie / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND