by Donya Dunlap | Jun 6, 2013 | Forgetting the Fairy Tale, The Single Life, The Spiritual Life
In listening recently to a series of podcasts by Andy Stanley to singles, I heard the best question I have ever heard with regards to finding a mate. With this simple question, Pastor Stanley encouraged his listeners to shift their focus from finding the One to becoming the One.
“Are you who the person you are looking for is looking for?”
In other words, if you met the perfect person for you today, would that person be attracted to you? Or would your actions and reputation keep them at arms length?
This is a tough, but desperately needed question for any single person desiring a godly, happy, marriage someday. I know of many singles who think that if they can just get married, their financial problems will cease to exist, they will be motivated to exercise and stay fit, they will magically be more concerned with the other person than themselves, their lustful desires will go away, and everything will be perfect.
This is SO not true.
And yet, many of us, myself included, have had thoughts like this. The truth is, when two people get married, they bring themselves into the marriage. They don’t become different people, they just become married people. If you have a hard time saving money now, you will have a harder time saving money later because now two people are involved. If you don’t take care of yourself now, you probably won’t find time to do it after you are married either.
Pastor Stanley’s advice continues throughout his four part series, “The New Rules for Love, Sex and Dating” (follow the link to listen to the podcasts) Here are a few thoughts that I found to be powerful:
Determine that, “I will not be someone’s regret.”
“The present will be your past which will be present in your future.”
“A lack of preparation cannot be trumped by a promise.”
“Commit now to becoming someone who can keep their promises later.”
These are such crucial things to remember when contemplating marriage. Before you ever go down that road, or if you have already begun a relationship, take steps now towards becoming the person that God says you are to be, specifically regarding relationships. Honor all men as being in the image of God. Don’t man bash them when they aren’t around. Set up guardrails around your purity. A lack of preparation will guarantee regret later. Deal with emotional trauma from your childhood. Get rid of bad habits that you wouldn’t want your future spouse to bring into a marriage.
If you know you are solidly entrenched in the world’s philosophy of dating and you aren’t sure how to change that, Pastor Stanley suggests making an appointment with yourself for a year from now to resume dating. Within that year, refuse to do anything that could lead to a relationship. Instead, focus on changing yourself. Entrench yourself in Scripture, pray for the Holy Spirit to change your thoughts, practice becoming a person that honors the opposite sex. I would also like to add that when that year is over, determine that you will keep your standards for yourself and any future mates high. Don’t settle for Mr. Right Now when with a dose of godly patience, you can have God’s best.
Another side note from me…Men are not a means to an end. They are souls made in the image of God and should be treated as such. They aren’t sugar daddies or baby daddies or a better option than being alone. Single Christian women, we have an obligation to model biblical thinking about relationships to the world. So…
What path are you on?
The common path of culture leads to loose dating and difficult marriages ending in divorce. Choose God’s path of purity and wholeness and you will enjoy a marriage full of love, trust and intimacy as God intended it to be.
Photo credit: Flооd / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND
by Donya Dunlap | Jun 5, 2013 | Making a Difference
What do you think of when you hear the word “counterculture?” For many, hippies spring to mind. For Christians, Jesus is the ultimate example.
In a day when pharisaical hypocrisy was the norm, Jesus was authentic and honest. When culture looked at women and children as property, Jesus welcomed women into his inner circle and encouraged children to come to him without fear. Whey political authorities threatened to end His life if he didn’t end His ministry, Jesus humbly declined (and even disappeared on one occasion) and continued to do that which His Father had called Him to do.
In order to make a difference, we must be different.
There are numerous examples of this concept playing out in Scripture. Joseph was taken from his homeland and forced into slavery in Egypt where promiscuity was a way of life. And yet, when confronted with an opportunity to sleep with the most powerful women in the known world at the time, Joseph declined. Esther tried to stay incognito for a while, but when the time came to do the right thing, Esther buckled her shaking knees and stood up for the sake of her nation. Daniel was taken captive and groomed to become one of Babylon’s leading men, but instead of choosing to go along with the program, Daniel chose a daily reminder of his heritage by politely asking permission to not violate his convictions and eat the king’s meat.
None of these role-models held up giant signs damning their captors to hell. None of them threw a “righteous anger” tempter tantrum. (Except for Jesus cleansing the temple, but seriously…He was the Son of God. You don’t mess with His house and get away with it.) In each case they were respectful, gracious and humble, but they stood their ground. They did the right thing. And the world took notice.
How is Jesus calling you to be different in your culture? Does he want you to volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center? Mentor kids at the local YMCA? Take a training class for an anti-trafficking cause? Smile and speak kindly to the Starbucks barista? Take cookies to your grouchy neighbor that likes to throw trash in your yard?
Every day we are faced with a multitude of choices. We can choose to blend in with the crowd, or we can choose to be a counterculture Christian. Which will you choose today?
Photo credit: Marshall Astor – Food Fetishist / Foter.com / CC BY-SA
by Donya Dunlap | Jun 4, 2013 | The Spiritual Life
This is the final installment in a four part series on the love of God and our response to that love.
Missed the earlier posts? Follow these links to get caught up: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
Yesterday I shared a life-changing thought that I received through a video of Louie Giglio speaking on God’s Passion for God’s Glory. I won’t repeat everything here, (because you really ought to read the post and watch the video) but the essence is that God wants the very best for our lives, which is Himself. And the best thing we can do for ourselves is to give glory to Him, which fulfills the purpose for our creation.
Today I want to share the secret for changing your heart from a glory-seeker for yourself and into a glory-giver for Jesus. Are you ready for this?
ASK HIM
Jesus will give you an abundant love FOR Him and a close, intimate relationship WITH Him if you ask Him to.
It’s kind of a strange thing to pray for God’s help to love Him, but you have to realize that we are corrupt. Our sin nature prevents us from loving as He created us to. In order to overcome this problem, we must have Jesus’ help. Revelation 3:20 says (words are in red – this is Jesus speaking) “Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.” Jesus is very polite. He isn’t going to invade your space. He’s going to wait until you invite Him in.
Now if you’re like me, and Jesus was at your door you would want to clean up the kitchen and straighten the bathroom and make sure all the beds were made before you let the Son of God into your house, right? He isn’t worried about all of that. Keep in mind that Jesus has x-ray vision. He knows what is on the other side of the door of your heart. He sees all the junk. He sees the bad habits and the sinful thoughts and the wrong attitudes that you have. He’s not going to walk in the door and go “Oh my goodness! What a mess! I can’t stay here!” No. It’s not about that. It’s about a relationship. Meals in Bible times were significant. You didn’t just grab a pizza with anybody you wanted to. Sharing a meal with someone meant you accepted that person. It was personal. You never really were friends with someone until you had dinner together. It was a serious thing. Jesus is inviting you into a personal, intimate relationship with him. It’s like our version of Starbucks. Two people sitting close to each other pouring their hearts out over a couple of cups of steaming caffeine. Sharing secrets and dreams and those little hurts that are so personal that you can’t share them with anyone else…Jesus cares about all of those things and He wants you to share them with Him.
He’s promised in Proverbs 8:17 that anyone that seeks after Him will find Him.
If you begin a habit of asking Jesus to help you love Him things in your life are going to be different. It’s not going to be a magical, poof, I LOVE JESUS kind of a moment. As with any relationship, it will take time. But slowly, the Bible will begin to come alive to you as you read it. Things that you never noticed before will start to jump off the page at you and will make sense. You will begin to see God at work in every area of your life. Big things and little things.
Jesus is the only person that will never be taken away from you and the only thing that gets better with time.
Possessions break, wear out, get lost and fall apart. Jesus never will. People die, move away, disappoint you, break your heart. Jesus never will.
So in thinking of all that we have covered in the last four posts, I ask you again. Do you love Jesus for what He has done or for who He is? If you can’t honestly say yes, I encourage you to begin praying today for God to give you the love for Him that He desires.
Photo credit: Valentina_A / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA
by Donya Dunlap | Jun 3, 2013 | The Spiritual Life
In How Do I Love Thee? – Part 1, I asked the question, “Do you love Jesus for what He has done for you, or for who He is?” I have found that at times, according to my actions, I am treating Jesus more like a genie in a bottle to answer my prayers than the Savior of my soul that desires an intimate relationship with me. I think part of that thinking is because I’m selfish and self-centered and I don’t always take time to meditate on the gloriousness of the Trinity as I ought, and therefore the Majesty of who I am supposed to be worshipping is lost in my focus on myself.
At the end of Part 1 and in Part 2 I talked about how at times I catch myself thinking that God’s love is based on my performance when really, “Jesus is encouraging us, to live our lives in the abundance of His love.” His love for us is based on the fact that He is love, not on how we respond to His love. And yet, how we respond to His love dramatically effects our lives. I’d like to continue those thoughts today.
Jesus wants the very best for your life.
And the very best thing you can have in your life is Jesus.
Some time ago I came across a brief video on YouTube of a several statements within a message by Louie Giglio on the Glory of God. This video impacted my heart in a huge way. Listen carefully and really think about what he says. (Louie Giglio – Full sermon series called “History: God’s Passion for God’s Glory”. I highly encourage you to watch the full video.)
God’s highest priority in the world isn’t you. God’s world doesn’t revolve around you, God’s world revolves around God. God’s highest value is God. He knows who he is. He’s full of himself. And in being such he’s not being selfish or egotistical. He’s actually being as loving as he could possibly be to you by being full of himself. And everything he’s ever done, he’s done motivated by one thing and that’s his own glory. He wants the very best for you and for me. He wants to give us the very best. And what is the very best? He’s the very best. And he knows he’s the very best-so if God gives us anything less than himself he’s not giving us the best. So he’s not being selfish, he’s being loving when he says, “I demand that you place me at the center of your life. I want you to place me at the center of all of your thoughts and all of your energy and all of your worship and all of your affection, all of your glory. I want it to be centered in me.” And when he does that he’s not doing it for him. He’s doing it for you. John 12, Jesus speaking, “Now my heart is troubled, what shall I say? Shall I say Father, save me from this hour? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name.” That’s what Jesus said a breath away from the cross. Glorify your name. The cross wasn’t to make a lot of you. The cross was about making a whole lot of God.
This is what Romans 8:28 is talking about. A lot of people quote Romans 8:28 as if it was a magic pill that is going to make everything going wrongly in their life right. “We know that all things work together for good.” What many people don’t understand is what the definition of “good” is. The verse goes on to say that “all things work together for good” but only for a select group of people. Who are those people? Those that love God. But go further than that and you’ll find that it’s not just those that say they love God, but those who are called according to his purpose. Those who are saved. Verse 29 says that those who have been saved have been chosen by God to be conformed to the image of his Son. That is the real definition of “good” in verse 28. But it also tells us why all things work together for good. It is so that he (meaning Jesus) might be the firstborn among many brethren. Or in other words, for the spread of the gospel that God might be glorified among many. God didn’t promise that all things would work together to make you happy. God promised that all things would work together to bring Him glory!
When we bring glory to God we are fulfilling our purpose and that makes God very happy. But the only way to do that is to be 100% totally committed to Christ. Think of a marriage ceremony. When you stand before God and a room full of your family and closest friends to commit your body and soul to your husband, you are doing that to the exclusion of everyone else. Traditional vows usually say something along the lines of:
“Will you have this man to be your lawfully wedded husband; to live together in the covenant of marriage, to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health and forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?”
When you say “I DO” that doesn’t mean except for the weekends. It doesn’t mean I take you and occasionally I’m going to go out with Johnny and maybe once in a while Bob and I might go see a movie or something. NO! When you commit yourself to your husband you are eliminating all others from being a part of your life. God wants the same kind of commitment. He doesn’t want to share you. He wants you all to Himself. And as Louie said earlier, He doesn’t do that for Himself, He does that for you.
You were created to be fulfilled in Christ alone.
To try to fill your life with any other thing, even a husband or children, is going to leave you empty.
A lot of young women think that if they can just get a boyfriend, or just get married they will be happy. That isn’t true. You will never have true joy until God is the center of your universe. God instituted marriage as a picture of his relationship with us. We are to be One flesh with God. We are His bride. He chose us, He loves us and He wants us to love Him in return.
Hopefully you are beginning to understand how important our response to God’s love is to Him. He wants to be everything to us, which will in turn make us complete, content and happier than we could ever imagine, but this kind of a relationship doesn’t happen automatically, or even because we want it to.
Continued in the final installment in this series: How Do I Love Thee? – Part 4
Photo credit: jlwo / Foter.com / CC BY-NC | Quote added to the photo by me.
by Donya Dunlap | Jun 1, 2013 | The Spiritual Life
Yesterday we ended with this thought… (If you missed it, click here.)
Jesus loves me with 100% of His being just as the Father loves Jesus with 100% of His being. But just knowing that fact doesn’t do us any good. We must be obedient to the rest of the verse.
“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.”
Today, I want to dig a little more into this verse.
Dictionary.com says the word “abide” means to remain, or to continue in a particular condition, attitude, relationship, etc.
Jesus is encouraging us, to live our lives in the abundance of His love. Instead of trying to fill our hearts and minds with the things of this worldly kingdom in which we live for now, we must choose to turn our attentions toward Christ. We are not abiding in Christ’s love if all we enjoy of it is an hour or two on Sunday and five minutes reading a chapter of the Bible before bedtime. We must devote time and energy to our relationship with Christ, but in order to do that properly, we must come to a better understanding of how much He truly loves us.
I challenge you to take some time today to get alone with God. Meditate on God’s love for Jesus and then think about how Jesus demonstrated His love for you by setting aside His heavenly kingdom, to be reduced to a single cell implanted in a young woman’s womb, to grow in wisdom and knowledge, to suffer persecution and ridicule by those He came to save to finally die on a cross to pay the penalty of your sin. I encourage you to really think about that today. And don’t let these truths stop at the precipice of your mind. Allow them to infiltrate your heart. Let the power of Christ’s love root out your bitterness, your insecurities and your passions for worldly pleasures.
Consider these additional truths from Scripture in your meditation as well.
You are valued.
You are a one-of-a-kind creation that He designed to bring glory to Himself. You are a product of Jesus’ incredible creativity. Psalm 139:13-15 says, “For thou has possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise the; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.” The ESV says “You formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. Verse 15, “My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.” You were not an accident. You were not a mistake. You are a collector’s item! A highly prized, carefully crafted, individual created down to the tiniest detail by the Master Weaver who knitted all of the parts together to create a beautiful treasure.
Jesus thinks about you all the time.
Psalm 139:17-18 says How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand. Picture each individual grain of sand contained in one little Styrofoam cup. You could never count them all! Then multiply that by all the sand on all the beaches, in all the oceans and in every little child’s sandbox all around the world. That’s how much Jesus thinks about you and MORE! And he isn’t thinking bad thoughts. It says his thoughts are precious. Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the thoughts (plans) that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end (a future and a hope). He has a plan for your life-a future full of hope.
Jesus wants the very best for you.
James 1:16-17 says Do not err (or do not be deceived), my beloved brethren. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness (meaning change), neither shadow of turning. If there is something in your life that you desire but God hasn’t seen fit to provide for you, you have to trust that it isn’t a good thing for you at this point in your life.
This verse is also a good test to determine if the things in your life are truly from God or if you are headed down a path for you that is unwise. It says that all good things come from the Father of lights. When God is involved in some part of your life it will bring joy to your heart and the light of his spirit will shine through you to others. If you are involved in something questionable, your natural instinct will be to hide it. To keep to the shadows. Satan is the prince of darkness. He thrives in things done in secret. If you are involved in anything that you would be ashamed for others to know about, something that you are trying to hide, then it’s not a good thing and it is not from God.
Click here for Part 3 in the series.
Photo credit: VinothChandar / Foter.com / CC BY
