by Donya Dunlap | May 10, 2013 | The Single Life, Write Hard Things
Holidays are traditionally full of emotional mine-fields, and none is quite so treacherous as Mother’s Day. I absolutely adore my mother. I respect her. I cherish every moment I get to spend with her in person. I talk to her almost every day and I will celebrate her and the memory of my grandmothers this weekend as they well deserve.
But I am also keenly aware that for many women, this coming Sunday will bring many tears of loss, regret, and unfulfilled desires. I know dozens of women who have lost children to death or distanced relationships, suffered miscarriages, or struggle with infertility…and my heart is pained for them. I have no desire to detract from their sorrow. But there is another group of women that also mourn an empty nest on Mother’s Day that many never consider. It is for these women, for single women, that I write today.
Will it ever be my turn?
This Mother’s Day I will be 33 years old…the same age my mother was when she gave birth to me, her fourth child. Friends that I roamed the hallways with as a child now have children entering middle school. Young women that I ministered to as teens are getting married and starting families. My nephew and his wife have a beautiful, two year old bundle of sweetness that I love to death. Other friends that have struggled with fertility have recently been able to adopt. I’m thrilled for them all. And yet, on days like Mother’s Day, I wonder if that happiness is something I will ever personally experience.
It isn’t something that I talk about often, but it is a prayer and dream of mine that I will be able to adopt at least one child by the time I turn 40. This past year I even dared dream long enough to post several baby boards on Pinterest. But in my heart I know that unless God chooses to answer my dream through His supernatural favor, my empty nest will be a lifetime reality.
While it is an area of my heart that is completely in the Lord’s hands, every once in a while it throbs a bit to remind me that it’s still there. And I know I’m not the only one. In fact, I know of several single women that actually have a greater desire to be a mother than they do to be a wife. I believe it to be a God-given instinct—a part of our DNA as women. And just like any other unmet desire, it can be used for good or evil.
Nurturing others as a single person
If this is an area of struggle for you as well, I encourage you to use the upcoming weekend to motivate you to good works rather than wishful introspection. You don’t have to bear a child to use your motherly heart for God. Ask Him to bring across your path a young woman to mentor. Invest in her life. Take her out to eat. Listen to her.
Another way to use that nurturing instinct is to be a blessing to an elderly woman. Many nursing home patients never receive a single visit from a family member. Sunday will come and go and hundreds of elderly mothers will feel lucky if they get a phone call or a card. They would love for someone to listen to their stories or sing to them songs from their childhood.
I don’t always do a good job of remembering this, but the Holy Spirit reminds me often there is always someone with a bigger hurt than mine and that everyone has something that they are struggling with at any given moment. Many times the hurts are too deep to ever express. Focusing on your own heartaches does nothing but magnify them. But when you seek to be a blessing to someone else, you end up receiving the bigger blessing yourself.
His ways are higher
If God has given you an empty nest, He has done it for a reason. It may be for a season or forever…only time will tell. What you do with it is up to you. You can view it as a a hole in your heart, or a basket to fill with blessings. The choice is yours. Choose well dear ones.
by Donya Dunlap | May 7, 2013 | Modern Day Slavery
This morning I found myself sitting in a waiting room watching in amazement as the news told of three lost women’s escape from a home where they have been held captives since their disappearances. According to a news article on CNN.com, Michele Knight was 20 years old when she went missing in August of 2002, Amanda Berry was kidnapped after leaving work the evening before her 17th birthday in 2003 and Gina DeJesus disappeared at the age of 14 in 2004. As is the case in many domestic human trafficking and slavery cases, neighbors had no idea the women were trapped in the home next door. (“Three women reunited with families after years in captivity” Read the CNN article here)
You may think situations like this are rare occurrences in the US, but unfortunately, for every celebrated rescue that makes the headlines, there are thousands that go missing and are never heard from again. Authors Kevin Bales and Ron Soodalter write of many of these human trafficking cases in their book The Slave Next Door: Human Trafficking and Slavery in America Today. In the case of these Cleveland women, they were being held not far from where they were taken captive. For many others, they are transported into other cities, other countries or criss-crossed between states so that finding them is next to impossible. While many are hidden behind locked doors to suffer a constant stream of visitors that take from their bodies, many others are hidden in plain sight at massage parlors, restaurants, farmers fields, and street corners.
I rejoice with the families of these three women whose lives can now begin again. I am thrilled to hear of the courage of Amanda Berry who took the opportunity she was given to attempt escape and I applaud the neighbor who helped her. I am thankful that the young child that was also rescued will have an opportunity to go to school, to play outside and to make friends.
How many more are begging God to rescue them too?
The Polaris Project has developed numerous resources for recognizing signs of human trafficking and how to help the victims. I encourage you to become familiar with this information so that you can help a victim when you meet one. Here is a partial list of trafficking red flags taken directly from their website:
Common Work and Living Conditions: The Individual(s) in Question
- Is not free to leave or come and go as he/she wishes
- Is under 18 and is providing commercial sex acts
- Is in the commercial sex industry and has a pimp / manager
- Is unpaid, paid very little, or paid only through tips
- Works excessively long and/or unusual hours
- Is not allowed breaks or suffers under unusual restrictions at work
- Owes a large debt and is unable to pay it off
- Was recruited through false promises concerning the nature and conditions of his/her work
- High security measures exist in the work and/or living locations (e.g. opaque windows, boarded up windows, bars on windows, barbed wire, security cameras, etc.)
Poor Mental Health or Abnormal Behavior
- Is fearful, anxious, depressed, submissive, tense, or nervous/paranoid
- Exhibits unusually fearful or anxious behavior after bringing up law enforcement
- Avoids eye contact
Poor Physical Health
- Lacks health care
- Appears malnourished
- Shows signs of physical and/or sexual abuse, physical restraint, confinement, or torture
You can make a difference to one trapped in human trafficking and slavery!
He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God? – Micah 6:8
Photo credit: aussiegall / Foter.com / CC BY
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by Donya Dunlap | May 3, 2013 | Making a Difference
In this video I attempt to communicate my vision for the women in the city of Charlotte. I say “attempt” because my faltering words come so far short of the vision in my heart. The needs in this city are great, as they are in every city. But Charlotte isn’t just any city. It’s the city where God has lead me to do a work for His glory. It’s a city where every time I look around I see hurting women in as many difficult and heartbreaking situations as there are individuals.
But that isn’t all that I can see in this city.
As I consider God’s grace overflowing in this place, I can see healing coming to the woman who has only known abuse. I can see wholeness in the one whose life has been torn apart by sin. I can see redemption for every woman crying herself to sleep tonight. I can see restoration for every teen girl being forced to stay awake to work the streets.
I know that there is hope for these women. I know that Jesus came to give His life to bring them into relationship with Him.
I know this…but they don’t.
My vision is for every single one of these women to hear the life-changing truth that Jesus loves them and has a plan for their future. (Jeremiah 29:11) Will you help me pray that my own shortcomings will not impede the message of God’s grace for this city? Will you pray that I will find away around time constraints and financial needs to do the work that needs to be done? Will you pray that I would have boldness and that I would recognize opportunities God brings across my path?
I can’t do this alone or even as part of Citylight’s team. We need you to stand with us in prayer. The vision is great. As Christ said, the fields are white unto harvest. (John 4:35) Will you be a part of reaching Charlotte for Him?
Vision for the Women of Charlotte! from Brian Norris on Vimeo.
Photo credit: James Willamor / Foter.com / CC BY-SA
