In the last few years, in lieu of making new year’s resolutions, I’ve chosen a word for the year. A banner, of sorts, which summarized and hopefully prophesied what God might do in and through me in the months ahead.
I had no plans to choose a word this year, but God chose one for me. As I served at Passion 2020, I had the privilege of hearing several of the messages. During a talk by Shelly Giglio, Holy Spirit swept into my heart with the word TRANSFORMATION. Instantly my spirit agreed. 2020 is to be a year of transformation. But what does that mean exactly?
Backing up nearly two months before (my how time flies), I recalled feeling defeated as my birthday shifted me from my 30s to my 40s. I thought of all God had done in the previous ten years and while I could see His hand moving at every stage, I still felt as if I had missed the mark. In that time I had written four, and released three books, none of them “successful” in the eyes of the publishing world, started a ministry that made little visible difference, and then moved to Michigan, a state most wise people move away from not to. I had dreamed for years to adopt by the age of 40 and now the idea of being a mom seemed more impossible than ever before. Having a home, an income capable of supporting a child, and a career to be proud of all felt like smoke and mirrors—illusions that disappeared into nothing as time marked on and left me empty and alone. My 30s were nothing more than a series of false starts and the next decade showed little promise of change.
Nevertheless, I went to Passion hopeful that the masses of young people would encourage my heart as they have the previous three years and that I would begin the new year and new decade refreshed in my spirit. I wasn’t disappointed.
The opening night of Passion, pastor Levi Lusko shared the history of the Roaring 20s, the prosperity of which inadvertently led to the Dirty 30s, a time of great drought, The Great Depression, and devastating wind and sand storms that destroyed industry and lives throughout the Great Plains states for eight years. He reminded us that the actions of one decade lead to the consequences of the next, but living in obedience to God in your 20s (or any decade) can lead to a great outpouring of God’s blessing in your 30s and beyond.
The last day of Passion, Shelly shared how she and Louie met and how their desire to know God intimately and serve Him in faith led to them pioneer a student ministry that paved the way for Passion Conferences. The first conference in 1997 had 2,000 attendees—23 years later, God filled a stadium with over 65,000 students and 3,500 volunteers to lift His name in praise and worship. The faithfulness of one couple’s 20s, 30s, and 40s are reaping a harvest of thousands of souls in their later years.
After coming home, I read the books “I Declare War” by Levi Lusko, and “Unexpected” by Christine Caine, another Passion 2020 speaker. In each of those books, I was reminded that what is done for God in the dark is magnified later for His glory. Levi said this:
“Public victory comes from private discipline. If you aren’t busting your butt to kill it where you are, God isn’t going to turn the volume up on your life. He isn’t going to export to greater platforms what isn’t working at home.”
In Christine’s book, she talked of her years working in student ministry throughout the backside of Australia before God called her to begin the worldwide anti-trafficking organization A21 at the age of 41 years old. She needed those years of obscurity to learn and prepare for standing before policymakers and heads of state to champion for the men, women, and children enslaved in human trafficking around the world. Today over 1,000 people have been rescued and restored through A21’s aftercare program because of one woman’s faithfulness when no one was paying any attention and her belief that God could do the impossible when He chose to.
Today I was reading the book “Experiencing God” by Henry and Richard Blackaby. In chapter 9 I read these words:
“Don’t be in a hurry to be constantly engaged in activities for God. He may spend years preparing your character or developing your love relationship with Him before He gives you a large assignment. Don’t get discouraged if the task or “call” does not come immediately. Remain faithful in what He has told you to do, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant it may appear. God knows what He is doing. Focus on deepening your communion with God, and out of that fellowship will inevitably flow effective service for God.”
Will this be the year that my writing finally gathers the attention of an agent and publishing house? I don’t know. Will 2020 bring great success and life-change to the clients I serve through LifeClinic? I hope so, but there’s no guarantee there either. Will I become a mother? Will any of my personal or professional goals be achieved? Will my life be visibly transformed for all the world to see? Maybe. Maybe not.
What I do know, is that God wants to use this year to draw me closer to Him. He wants me to fall more and more in love with Him each passing day. He wants me to bring my concerns and dreams to Him in prayer, snuggle up to Him when I’m worried what the future holds, and seek His strength when I feel the tasks I’ve been called to are beyond my ability. In doing so I will be transformed.
There are many things I hope will come about as a result of the hidden work and prayers I planted in my 30s, but in actuality, I have very little control over the harvest. All I can do is continue in obedience and the growing of my faith and love for God. It’s His job to take my meager offerings and multiply them as He sees fit. Maybe He knows that a publishing contract would do more harm to my spirit than good. Maybe He has a different plan for the trauma program at LifeClinic than I envision. It could be the child He has chosen for me to mother hasn’t been born yet. It’s not my job to force my imagined future into being. My job is simply to be faithful, be obedient, and do the next right thing in faith.
Transformation, by Google’s definition, is “a thorough or dramatic change in form or appearance.” What that looks like come December 31st is up to God. Whether or not He has anything to work with is up to me. May He give me the strength, wisdom, and faith to follow Him wherever He may lead.