Holidays are traditionally full of emotional mine-fields, and none is quite so treacherous as Mother’s Day. I absolutely adore my mother. I respect her. I cherish every moment I get to spend with her in person. I talk to her almost every day and I will celebrate her and the memory of my grandmothers this weekend as they well deserve.

But I am also keenly aware that for many women, this coming Sunday will bring many tears of loss, regret, and unfulfilled desires. I know dozens of women who have lost children to death or distanced relationships, suffered miscarriages, or struggle with infertility…and my heart is pained for them. I have no desire to detract from their sorrow. But there is another group of women that also mourn an empty nest on Mother’s Day that many never consider. It is for these women, for single women, that I write today.

Will it ever be my turn?

This Mother’s Day I will be 33 years old…the same age my mother was when she gave birth to me, her fourth child. Friends that I roamed the hallways with as a child now have children entering middle school. Young women that I ministered to as teens are getting married and starting families. My nephew and his wife have a beautiful, two year old bundle of sweetness that I love to death. Other friends that have struggled with fertility have recently been able to adopt. I’m thrilled for them all. And yet, on days like Mother’s Day, I wonder if that happiness is something I will ever personally experience.

It isn’t something that I talk about often, but it is a prayer and dream of mine that I will be able to adopt at least one child by the time I turn 40. This past year I even dared dream long enough to post several baby boards on Pinterest. But in my heart I know that unless God chooses to answer my dream through His supernatural favor, my empty nest will be a lifetime reality.

While it is an area of my heart that is completely in the Lord’s hands, every once in a while it throbs a bit to remind me that it’s still there. And I know I’m not the only one. In fact, I know of several single women that actually have a greater desire to be a mother than they do to be a wife. I believe it to be a God-given instinct—a part of our DNA as women. And just like any other unmet desire, it can be used for good or evil.

Nurturing others as a single person

If this is an area of struggle for you as well, I encourage you to use the upcoming weekend to motivate you to good works rather than wishful introspection. You don’t have to bear a child to use your motherly heart for God. Ask Him to bring across your path a young woman to mentor. Invest in her life. Take her out to eat. Listen to her.

Another way to use that nurturing instinct is to be a blessing to an elderly woman. Many nursing home patients never receive a single visit from a family member. Sunday will come and go and hundreds of elderly mothers will feel lucky if they get a phone call or a card. They would love for someone to listen to their stories or sing to them songs from their childhood.

I don’t always do a good job of remembering this, but the Holy Spirit reminds me often there is always someone with a bigger hurt than mine and that everyone has something that they are struggling with at any given moment. Many times the hurts are too deep to ever express. Focusing on your own heartaches does nothing but magnify them. But when you seek to be a blessing to someone else, you end up receiving the bigger blessing yourself.

His ways are higher

If God has given you an empty nest, He has done it for a reason. It may be for a season or forever…only time will tell. What you do with it is up to you. You can view it as a a hole in your heart, or a basket to fill with blessings. The choice is yours. Choose well dear ones.