When I wrote Forgetting the Fairy Tale, I talked about finding our true love in Christ. I wrote how no human can ever fully satisfy us, and frankly, neither will Jesus while we still live on this earth. We were built with a longing that can only be met in Christ upon complete union with Him in the next life. Until then, we strive to glorify Him in every area of our lives. We embrace the struggle, not numbing the longing or filling it with people or things.
Many have told me they were surprised the book is not anti-men or anti-marriage. It seems a dichotomy to be both pro-marriage and pro-singleness. But that is where I stand because that is where the Bible stands.
God’s purpose for marriage
I believe God created marriage as a beautiful picture of His relationship with His bride, the church. He wanted us to understand the depths of His love for us, so He created marriage and sex and He called it good. Sadly, as with all things, sin has distorted this sacred bond. Sin has caused women to distrust men, men to objectify women, and families to be destroyed by the mutual brokenness.
The easy road against marriage
The easy road is to be cynical about love and marriage. To protect our wounded hearts from further damage. Culture says, “It’s just sex. It doesn’t mean anything.” Hurting women find it easier to believe “all men are pigs” rather than face both bad behavior and good men.
But in protecting ourselves, we keep God from doing a miraculous work in our lives. We build walls around our hearts, hindering the Holy Spirit from administering healing. True intimacy is a risk. We are afraid of being fully known so we cover ourselves with our fig leaves and pretend everything is okay. Friends, I am here to tell you everything is not okay.
Why marriage terrifies me
I confess to you…marriage terrifies me. Approximately 50% of all marriages fail. Of the pastors, leaders, and friends I know, I can count on one hand the marriages I would want to model my own after. These are good people mostly. Many couples I love and respect. But I would never want their relationship. This grieves me. And yet, I have hope. And not in a jingle bell, fairy tale, romantic sort of way.I believe in marriage because I believe in its Designer. Click To Tweet
The redemption of marriage
When the Godhead conspired to create the world and human relationships it was good. Until it wasn’t.
When Satan planted those first seeds of distrust in Eve’s heart, he was using her as a pawn to inflict pain on his Creator. He’s been doing it ever since.
But God initiated a plan to redeem what was broken. This is the beauty of marriage.
Every time a couple says “I do” a union is created. A holy trinity. Husband, wife, and Spirit. And every time disunity is planted and this same couple says “I still do” they are exemplifying God’s love for us.
Yes, it is hard. Yes, it is imperfect. There are tears, harsh words, and broken promises. But there is also magic, miracles, love, hope, restoration—all of this throws up a big, bright rainbow to the world that says, See! God is here! In this marriage flooded with the sin of two imperfect people there is redemption. Redemption and love you too can have in Jesus’ name.
Marriage is still a maybe
So even though the thought of marriage terrifies me for all the potential brokenness, it also calls to me for all the beauty that is two people living out God’s covenant amidst all the destruction Satan can muster.
Opening my heart to marriage doesn’t eliminate the fear. It’s risky. It’s messy. But it is also right, and good, and Christ honoring to take down those walls and let Jesus do what He feels is best for me.
Does that mean I’m getting married? Maybe. Maybe not. The end result isn’t as important as the honesty and freedom I am receiving from the Lord in this place.
Nothing has changed in my circumstances. I am still a champion for singleness and single women everywhere. I’m just choosing to not allow fear to determine my destiny. I encourage you to do the same.
In case you missed it, be sure to read Whitney Pendell’s post on Preparing Yourself To Be a Godly Wife.