This is a guest post by author and speaker, Sundi Jo Graham. I’m so thankful that she agreed to share her heart today as a powerful testimony of a single girl that loves her Savior and has learned to let Him love her in return. 

I’m pathetic. I’m a loser. I’m completely unlovable. No one will ever love me. I’m ugly. I’m stupid.

I heard these words most of my life. Who said them? Me. I believed they were true and my actions showed just how much I believed them. When others would say kind things to me, I’d roll my eyes, pop off some kind of snarky comment, and walk away. Who were they to lie to me? I could handle that myself.

Three years ago my life was wrecked. God took my negative ship, threw the captain overboard, and there I sat on the deserted island of what I would soon come to know as truth. It was a messy shipwreck.

I remember lying in the floor one afternoon at the Table Rock Freedom Center,  sobbing my eyes out. “Why am I here God? What do you want from me?” I’ll never forget that day as I long as I live. God didn’t come down in the form of a pancake. I didn’t hear his audible voice. But I heard Him clear as day ask me, “Sundi Jo, when are you going to let me love you?”

I had no idea. Through that time He showed me that if I don’t allow others to love me, then it’s impossible to let God love me.

I picked myself up off the floor, wiped my swollen eyes, blew my nose and walked out of the room bound and determined to let Him love me. I didn’t know how I was going to do it, but I was going to let it happen. Slowly but surely I allowed God to love me through others.

Someone would compliment my weight loss and though it took everything in me, I would smile, do my best to make eye contact, and say thank you. Others would tell me I was beautiful and through clinched fists and gritted teeth, I made myself receive the compliment. It got easier with time.

I began to speak Scripture out loud, even looking in the mirror at times. Yes, I felt like a goof, but I was willing to do what I needed to do to believe the truth about who I was in Christ. I’d remind myself on a daily basis that I am God’s princess. I am His friend. I am not condemned. I am the bride of Christ. The King is enthralled with my beauty.

Some studies show that it takes 21 days of repeated patterns to make a habit stick. I don’t know how many days it took me, but I do know it took a dozen times throughout the day of me repeating these things to myself before the truth finally started to sink in.

I’m so thankful for God wrecking me. I’m thankful for His patience and willingness to love me through the mess. I don’t always get it right. There’s a situation in my life right now where I’m struggling to accept His love for me. But the important thing is, I’m doing it afraid, taking it one step at a time, and trusting that God’s hand is in it.

Can you name an area in your life you need to be wrecked?

Sundi Jo

Sundi Jo is an author, speaker, and small business owner, making her home in Branson, Missouri. She blogs at sundijo.com. Her first book, Dear Dad, Did You Know I Was a Princess?, comes out next year. You can read her free eBook, Becoming God’s Best now. You’ll find her engulfed in the social media world, spending time with friends and family, hanging out in a pair of jeans, t-shirt, and flip fops, or writing. Find Sundi Jo on Facebook or Twitter (@sundijo).