In the last few years, in lieu of making new year’s resolutions, I’ve chosen a word for the year. A banner, of sorts, which summarized and hopefully prophesied what God might do in and through me in the months ahead.
I had no plans to choose a word this year, but God chose one for me. As I served at Passion 2020, I had the privilege of hearing several of the messages. During a talk by Shelly Giglio, Holy Spirit swept into my heart with the word TRANSFORMATION. Instantly my spirit agreed. 2020 is to be a year of transformation. But what does that mean exactly?
Backing up nearly two months before (my how time flies), I recalled feeling defeated as my birthday shifted me from my 30s to my 40s. I thought of all God had done in the previous ten years and while I could see His hand moving at every stage, I still felt as if I had missed the mark. In that time I had written four, and released three books, none of them “successful” in the eyes of the publishing world, started a ministry that made little visible difference, and then moved to Michigan, a state most wise people move away from not to. I had dreamed for years to adopt by the age of 40 and now the idea of being a mom seemed more impossible than ever before. Having a home, an income capable of supporting a child, and a career to be proud of all felt like smoke and mirrors—illusions that disappeared into nothing as time marked on and left me empty and alone. My 30s were nothing more than a series of false starts and the next decade showed little promise of change.
Nevertheless, I went to Passion hopeful that the masses of young people would encourage my heart as they have the previous three years and that I would begin the new year and new decade refreshed in my spirit. I wasn’t disappointed.
The opening night of Passion, pastor Levi Lusko shared the history of the Roaring 20s, the prosperity of which inadvertently led to the Dirty 30s, a time of great drought, The Great Depression, and devastating wind and sand storms that destroyed industry and lives throughout the Great Plains states for eight years. He reminded us that the actions of one decade lead to the consequences of the next, but living in obedience to God in your 20s (or any decade) can lead to a great outpouring of God’s blessing in your 30s and beyond.
The last day of Passion, Shelly shared how she and Louie met and how their desire to know God intimately and serve Him in faith led to them pioneer a student ministry that paved the way for Passion Conferences. The first conference in 1997 had 2,000 attendees—23 years later, God filled a stadium with over 65,000 students and 3,500 volunteers to lift His name in praise and worship. The faithfulness of one couple’s 20s, 30s, and 40s are reaping a harvest of thousands of souls in their later years.
After coming home, I read the books “I Declare War” by Levi Lusko, and “Unexpected” by Christine Caine, another Passion 2020 speaker. In each of those books, I was reminded that what is done for God in the dark is magnified later for His glory. Levi said this:
“Public victory comes from private discipline. If you aren’t busting your butt to kill it where you are, God isn’t going to turn the volume up on your life. He isn’t going to export to greater platforms what isn’t working at home.”
In Christine’s book, she talked of her years working in student ministry throughout the backside of Australia before God called her to begin the worldwide anti-trafficking organization A21 at the age of 41 years old. She needed those years of obscurity to learn and prepare for standing before policymakers and heads of state to champion for the men, women, and children enslaved in human trafficking around the world. Today over 1,000 people have been rescued and restored through A21’s aftercare program because of one woman’s faithfulness when no one was paying any attention and her belief that God could do the impossible when He chose to.
Today I was reading the book “Experiencing God” by Henry and Richard Blackaby. In chapter 9 I read these words:
“Don’t be in a hurry to be constantly engaged in activities for God. He may spend years preparing your character or developing your love relationship with Him before He gives you a large assignment. Don’t get discouraged if the task or “call” does not come immediately. Remain faithful in what He has told you to do, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant it may appear. God knows what He is doing. Focus on deepening your communion with God, and out of that fellowship will inevitably flow effective service for God.”
Will this be the year that my writing finally gathers the attention of an agent and publishing house? I don’t know. Will 2020 bring great success and life-change to the clients I serve through LifeClinic? I hope so, but there’s no guarantee there either. Will I become a mother? Will any of my personal or professional goals be achieved? Will my life be visibly transformed for all the world to see? Maybe. Maybe not.
What I do know, is that God wants to use this year to draw me closer to Him. He wants me to fall more and more in love with Him each passing day. He wants me to bring my concerns and dreams to Him in prayer, snuggle up to Him when I’m worried what the future holds, and seek His strength when I feel the tasks I’ve been called to are beyond my ability. In doing so I will be transformed.
There are many things I hope will come about as a result of the hidden work and prayers I planted in my 30s, but in actuality, I have very little control over the harvest. All I can do is continue in obedience and the growing of my faith and love for God. It’s His job to take my meager offerings and multiply them as He sees fit. Maybe He knows that a publishing contract would do more harm to my spirit than good. Maybe He has a different plan for the trauma program at LifeClinic than I envision. It could be the child He has chosen for me to mother hasn’t been born yet. It’s not my job to force my imagined future into being. My job is simply to be faithful, be obedient, and do the next right thing in faith.
Transformation, by Google’s definition, is “a thorough or dramatic change in form or appearance.” What that looks like come December 31st is up to God. Whether or not He has anything to work with is up to me. May He give me the strength, wisdom, and faith to follow Him wherever He may lead.
For a few years now I’ve noticed others choosing a single word or phrase for the new year. This is meant as a resolution of sorts. Instead of making goals to reach, they choose a word to live by. I considered this for several days leading up to the new year. On December 31st I flew to Atlanta to take part in the Passion 2018 conference (post to come later – read last year’s here). I sat in an open, nearly empty part of the airport waiting for my friend to arrive and asked God what my word should be for 2018. The word I felt rise up in my heart is “authentic.”
“Authentic” Defined
Merriam-Webster.com defines “authentic” as:
(a)worthy of acceptance or belief as conforming to or based on fact; (b) conforming to an original so as to reproduce essential features; (c) made or done the same way as an original
not false or imitation: real, actual
true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character
Reading the definition gives further assent to the stirring I’ve received in my heart from the Lord. 2018 is to be the year of me…the real me.
Confirmation from the Critic
“The year of me…sounds a bit arrogant, doesn’t it?” That was my first thought. My first response to the Lord answering a prayer was a knee-jerk reaction of fake piousness.
See, my internal critic is a “good girl.” She’s always telling me what I should and shouldn’t do based on what other people might think. “You can’t make a whole year all about you. That’s selfish. That’s arrogant. You can’t blog about that. You’re supposed to be setting a good example.”
I’m choosing to ignore her. Why? Because my internal critic is a hypocrite and a jerk. She knows God wants to make changes in me. To grow me. To make me more useful for His kingdom purposes. And that makes her afraid. And fear shows up as fake humility, persuading me to take a step back, be small, be insignificant. It sounds good on the surface, but God is not the author of fear.
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. – 2 Timothy 1:7 KJV
“Courage, Brave heart.”
No, my God wants me to be strong and courageous. He wants me to keep my head held high, my shoulders squared, and my eyes fixed on Him and the calling He has on my life.
“Courage, Brave heart.”
Three words penned by C.S. Lewis in a children’s story I found myself scribbling on my mirror in eyeliner. I needed this reflected back to me every morning to remind myself to not give in to the fear. To shake off the words of shame heaped upon me by others. Three words I found myself clinging to through the pain of the holidays for hurting people hurt people and there is no hurt greater than the loss of love. And on the heels of such brokenness, I feel the Lord whisper…
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. – Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV
Why “Authentic” and not “Courage”
As I reflected on the year, the progress I’ve made, the trials of recent days, my constant, ongoing battle with fear, I considered “courage” as the word I should choose. But “courage” did not resonate with me as “authentic” did. Courage feels like work. Like a stirring up of will. Like showing a brave face to the world despite my misgivings. What I want is freedom.
I know within me is a woman of power. She is brave. Her eyes shine with the confidence of the Holy Spirit within her. She boldly pursues her passions because she knows God has given them to her. They are His heart and her calling.
But despite all the ways I have grown and changed, this powerful, Spirit-fueled woman is still buried beneath layers of fear and shame. She is wrapped in worries about being wrong and making mistakes, about people laughing and whispering behind lifted hands. Past experience says, “Stay small. Don’t draw attention to yourself. Failure hurts. It’s better not to try.” These are lies from the Evil One. I long to be free of them. And while the path to freedom requires courage, it’s authenticity I seek.
“Not false or imitation: real, actual”
As I shared in my last post on vulnerability, our relationship with Jesus has to be one of naked trust. I have to believe He is good and He means good for me in my life. I can read Romans 8:28 and Jeremiah 29:11 all day long, but unless I truly believe God loves me and will always do what is best for my life, I will never experience the deep connection with Him as He designed when He created me.
To be authentic is to be real. To remove those layers and walls we hide behind. Sometimes this process is painful. Sometimes joyful. But always necessary to live in freedom and power.
In the book, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, the one referenced above written by C.S. Lewis, there is a boy named Eustace. Because of his selfishness and greed, Eustace had become a dragon. He longed to be rid of his scales and become a boy again, but scrub as he might, he could never come clean as before. It took Aslan’s sharp claws to peel the dragon skin from Eustace and return him to his true self. In Eustace’s own words,
Eustace was afraid at first so he tried going his own way. Desperation forced him to turn to the One who could bring about real and lasting change. All Eustace had to do was lay down and ask Aslan to intercede on His behalf. Once free of his dragon skin, Eustace could again swim, and play, and be joyful.
What “Authentic” Means to Me
This naked realness is authenticity. To be stripped of all things not belonging to the original, forgiven, loved, called, gifted, daughter of the King of Kings God created me to be. Fear ignored. Shame removed. Giving my all. Embracing my gifts. No more feeling small and incapable when God has given me the power to do all He has asked me to do.
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. – Philippians 4:13
It may take all year for the layers to come off. Maybe more. I suspect the process of healing will never fully terminate this side of heaven. But my focus for this year is to be authentic. To be the real me in my body, mind, emotions, and spirit. To not be afraid of what God has for my future, but to fully embrace my now knowing each part of today is His gift to me. I am laying down before God and asking Him to strip me down to my real self. Will you join me?
The most intimidating place for a writer to be is in front of a blank computer screen or empty sheet of paper. Inevitably one of two things happens. Either your mind races with ideas and you can’t seem to narrow them down enough to write, or (the more likely scenario) your thoughts mirror the emptyness in front of you. The blank slate can be terrifying both in writing and in life. We are all at the beginning of a new year full of possiblities. Our minds race with dreams and goals, but how do we begin? Where should we focus first? What if we fail at our resolutions again? Is goal setting even necessary? Is it better not to try at all?
Um…
I understand well the fear that accompanies a new beginning. 2013 for me is the beginning of a new year in a new city, a new church, a new ministry, (hopefully) a new job, new friends, a new home, and the release of a new book. It’s exciting, but with each new thing comes a mountain of doubt. What if I fail? What if I can’t find a job? What if my book release is a flop?
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
So how do you and I overcome the blank slate so we can begin chasing our dreams?
We begin by beginning.
Pastor Mark Baterson says in his book, The Circle Maker, (read my review of the book here) that the keys to seeing prayers answered and dreams come true is to “dream big, pray hard and think long.” He calls goals “dreams with deadlines” and recommends…
Ten Steps to Setting Goals for Your Life:
Start with prayer. “If you set goals in the context of prayer, there is a much higher likelihood that your goals will glorify God, and if they don’t glorify God, then they aren’t worth setting in the first place.”
Check your motives. “If you set selfish goals, you would be better off spiritually if you didn’t accomplish them.”
Think in categories. “My goals are divided into five categories: family, influential, experiential, physical and travel. The obvious omission is a category for spiritual goals, but that is by intention. All of my goals have a spiritual dimension to them.”
Be specific. “If a goal isn’t measurable, we have no way of knowing whether we’ve accomplished it.”
Write it down. “If you haven’t written down your goals, you haven’t really set them.”
Include others. “Nothing cements a relationship like a shared goal.”
Celebrate along the way. “When God answers a prayer, throw a party. We should celebrate with the same intensity with which we pray.”
Dream big. “Big goals turn us into big people.”
Think long. “If you want to dream until the day you die, you need to set goals that take a lifetime to achieve. And it’s never too late to start.”
Pray hard. “Goal setting begins and ends with prayer.”
He sums up his list with these two powerful paragraphs:
The sad truth is that most people spend more time planning their summer vacation than they do planning the rest of their life. That’s poor stewardship of right-brain imagination. Goal setting is good stewardship. Instead of letting things happen, goals help us make things happen. Instead of living by default goals help us live by design. Instead of living out of memory, goals help us live out of imagination.
Goal setting begins and ends with prayer. God-ordained goals are conceived in the context of prayer, and prayer is what brings them to full term. You need to keep circling your goals in prayer, like the Israelites circled Jericho. As you circle your goals, it not only creates God-ordained opportunities; it also helps us recognize God-ordained opportunities.
So as we finish up the first month of the year, I challenge you to dedicate your blank slate to Christ and His purposes for your life and then plan accordingly. Let’s determine to live for Christ out of our imaginations and accomplish great things for His glory in 2013!
Have you made a list of life goals? How has goal setting been beneficial to you? I’d love to read your thoughts in the comments below.
Photo credit: Carlos Fenollosa / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA
