by Donya Dunlap | Jun 17, 2013 | The Spiritual Life
My dad once told a friend that if he ever took me to a football game, I would be worried that the guys in the huddle were talking about me. He was right.
Go Blue!
Well, not literally of course, but figuratively he was spot on. I struggled quite seriously about what people think about me for years. It was a problem that would often steal my joy, fill my mind with worry and cause great anxiety. The Holy Spirit really worked in my life in this area, mainly through the message of a book called Loving God with All Your Mind by Elizabeth George and through meditating on Philippians 4:8.
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. – Philippians 4:8
I actually felt like this was part of my past, until recently I have found myself struggling again with regards to my writing.
I have had several people ask why I wrote Forgetting the Fairy Tale and my answer is always the same. I couldn’t NOT write it. I have a deep passion to help young women realize that they can only find satisfaction in Christ, and not in all the ways the world is teaching them to look for it. That passion drove me through the writing, editing and publishing process and continues to burn in my heart.
Lately however,
I’ve put a lot of effort into building what is referred to as a “platform” in order to sell my book and help the message spread. While that isn’t a bad thing in itself, it has lead to a change in my internal focus from helping others into a desire to see my blog numbers increase. I started worrying about what the guys in the huddle were saying again.
Why does one post spread and others aren’t hardly opened? Maybe people really don’t think I’m a good writer. Maybe I need to be funnier. Maybe I’m just wasting my time. I hardly get any comments—I wonder what my readers are thinking?
In all of the striving I lost sight of the goal. I lost sight of my passion. I lost my love for the “game” and became annoyed with the work of running the plays.
(And I have now reached my limit of football knowledge and applicable metaphors. Not a sports chic. Sorry.)
Instead of applying Philippians 4:8 to my writing I have been letting my mind dwell on the necessary, but secondary elements of promotion.
So today I confess to you my sin and begin again.
I will still read the writing books and learn what I can about creating a better blog, but my focus will no longer be on the stats and how I’m scoring in the blogosphere. This means tightening up my posts and not trying to please people with my writing. No more filtering. I’m going back to the basics of putting my passion on paper and loving people, not worrying about what they can do for me.
Photo credit: marylea / Foter.com / CC BY-SA
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by Donya Dunlap | May 16, 2013 | The Spiritual Life
Today the inevitable happened. I was made aware of my first (to my knowledge) negative feedback on Forgetting the Fairy Tale. I knew it was coming. I knew before I was finished with writing it that this day would come. I prayed that God would guide my words and hoped to avoid what I knew was bound to happen, but alas, it happened.
When my friend read the words to me, my first reaction was, “That’s it? That’s the worst she could say? That’s not that bad.”
Then the words started to sink in. I must confess—after an hour of trying to let it go, I was strongly tempted to post the following on my Facebook wall:
Would any of you that have read my book and thought it was wonderful kindly make your way to xyz.com and tell this girl that she’s an idiot? Thanks.
(I know, I know. No super-Christian award for me.)
Thankfully, the Holy Spirit called an intervention and hasn’t stopped talking since. And He’s made some very good points. I decided that instead of starting an “I hate haters” fan page I would share what He has reminded me of today. Perhaps someone reading this will benefit from my struggle with the flesh and get that super-Christian award that is now up for grabs.
- Someone outside of my circle of family and friends has read my book. This is awesome news.
- It’s been said that you aren’t a real author until someone disagrees with you, so woohoo for that confirmation!
- At least until the point in the book where I offended this girl, she was exposed to God’s Word and He has promised that His Word will never return void.
- If my source of joy, satisfaction, or self-worth comes from what others say about me, I am destined to live a miserable and stress-filled life. My identity is not what I do or how people perceive me. My identity comes from the sacrificial gift of Jesus that has made me a child of the Almighty, All-Loving, All-Wise God who understands me completely and loves me anyway.
- I am not perfect. My words are not perfect. I need to be open to correction. I need to be willing to hear it—not argue with it—but hear it and do my best to glean from it whatever truth is there so that I can become a better person, and in this case, a better writer.
- My heart is a liar that tells me I am much more awesome than I am. If all I ever do is surround myself with people that love me and shower compliments on me, I will be consumed with pride and I won’t grow. I need friends who are willing to say hard things that I don’t want to hear. I need people to write bad reviews to remind me that I can always improve my communication skills. I need the book signings where no one shows up. These things are thermometers for my heart. They tell me if I am truly living for the glory of God or if I’m trying to steal His glory for myself.
So to you, reviewer-who-shall-remain-nameless…thank you. Thank you for taking time out of your life to read my book and for sharing your thoughts. Thank you for reminding me of who I really am and for pointing out the pride I was allowing to reign in my heart. I am indebted to you. Truly.
Photo credit: Kalexanderson / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA
by Donya Dunlap | Feb 12, 2013 | Bible Study, Forgetting the Fairy Tale, The Single Life, The Spiritual Life
From the earliest moments of our journey through life we are bombarded by the concept of the fairy tale. We are dressed in tiny little shirts proclaiming us to be “Daddy’s little princess” and read nighttime stories of bravery, heroism, and love from little hard-bound, picture books. As soon as we can toddle we are given tulle-enhanced dress-up gowns and jewel-encrusted play shoes, a sparkling tiara to hold back our hair and a fairy wand with which to command the bidding of our loyal subjects.
As we grow we read books and watch movies convincing us of the fairy tale romance we all must strive for to be happy. Commercials tell us that we need X product so we can be more beautiful, more successful, more desirable. Magazines hold up airbrushed beauties in the highest esteem. Tabloids tear down anyone with a hint of imperfection, real or perceived.
At every turn, we are receiving messages that are trying to convince us that we can never be happy, satisfied, successful or fulfilled unless we chase the fairy tale life. The problem, however, lies in the very definition of “fairy tale.”
Defining a fairy tale
According to Merriam-Webster.com, a fairy tale’s definition is:
1a: a story (as for children) involving fantastic forces and beings (as fairies, wizards, and goblins) —called also fairy story
1b: a story in which improbable events lead to a happy ending
2: a made-up story usually designed to mislead
The synonyms also share some enlightening information with us.
Synonyms: fable, fabrication, lie, falsehood, falsity, fib, mendacity, prevarication, story, tale, taradiddle, untruth, whopper
By its definition, a fairy tale is a lie. In the context of spiritual things, any belief opposite of truth comes directly from the Father of Lies. Watching or reading a fairy tale is a fine choice of entertainment, but living a fairy tale is a dangerous road leading to destruction.
Music, movies, magazines—media feeds us the myth that happiness is just out of our reach. But the truth is, we can find our “happily ever after” if we center our lives on our one true love, Jesus Christ.
Why Forgetting the Fairy Tale?
People have asked me why I decided to write Forgetting the Fairy Tale. My answer is simple. I couldn’t NOT write it. God wouldn’t let me get away from this message.
I had to do what I could to stop the flood of fairy tale casualties.
Everywhere I turned I saw people believing the lies of Satan. Every time I witnessed a young girl choose Satan’s lies over Jesus’ love, my heart would break. Every time I witnessed a marriage fall apart I mourned.
Have you found yourself believing true happiness can be found outside of an intimate relationship with Jesus? If so, I encourage you to read Forgetting the Fairy Tale and its Companion Guide. The truths of Scripture contained in these books are sure to speak to your heart and open your mind to what it means to have Jesus be your everything.
Forgetting the Fairy Tale and the Forgetting the Fairy Tale Companion Guide are both available on Amazon. To read reviews and endorsements of the book, click here.
by Donya Dunlap | Jan 18, 2013 | The Spiritual Life
The most intimidating place for a writer to be is in front of a blank computer screen or empty sheet of paper. Inevitably one of two things happens. Either your mind races with ideas and you can’t seem to narrow them down enough to write, or (the more likely scenario) your thoughts mirror the emptyness in front of you. The blank slate can be terrifying both in writing and in life. We are all at the beginning of a new year full of possiblities. Our minds race with dreams and goals, but how do we begin? Where should we focus first? What if we fail at our resolutions again? Is goal setting even necessary? Is it better not to try at all?
Um…
I understand well the fear that accompanies a new beginning. 2013 for me is the beginning of a new year in a new city, a new church, a new ministry, (hopefully) a new job, new friends, a new home, and the release of a new book. It’s exciting, but with each new thing comes a mountain of doubt. What if I fail? What if I can’t find a job? What if my book release is a flop?
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
So how do you and I overcome the blank slate so we can begin chasing our dreams?
We begin by beginning.
Pastor Mark Baterson says in his book, The Circle Maker, (read my review of the book here) that the keys to seeing prayers answered and dreams come true is to “dream big, pray hard and think long.” He calls goals “dreams with deadlines” and recommends…
Ten Steps to Setting Goals for Your Life:
- Start with prayer. “If you set goals in the context of prayer, there is a much higher likelihood that your goals will glorify God, and if they don’t glorify God, then they aren’t worth setting in the first place.”
- Check your motives. “If you set selfish goals, you would be better off spiritually if you didn’t accomplish them.”
- Think in categories. “My goals are divided into five categories: family, influential, experiential, physical and travel. The obvious omission is a category for spiritual goals, but that is by intention. All of my goals have a spiritual dimension to them.”
- Be specific. “If a goal isn’t measurable, we have no way of knowing whether we’ve accomplished it.”
- Write it down. “If you haven’t written down your goals, you haven’t really set them.”
- Include others. “Nothing cements a relationship like a shared goal.”
- Celebrate along the way. “When God answers a prayer, throw a party. We should celebrate with the same intensity with which we pray.”
- Dream big. “Big goals turn us into big people.”
- Think long. “If you want to dream until the day you die, you need to set goals that take a lifetime to achieve. And it’s never too late to start.”
- Pray hard. “Goal setting begins and ends with prayer.”
He sums up his list with these two powerful paragraphs:
The sad truth is that most people spend more time planning their summer vacation than they do planning the rest of their life. That’s poor stewardship of right-brain imagination. Goal setting is good stewardship. Instead of letting things happen, goals help us make things happen. Instead of living by default goals help us live by design. Instead of living out of memory, goals help us live out of imagination.
Goal setting begins and ends with prayer. God-ordained goals are conceived in the context of prayer, and prayer is what brings them to full term. You need to keep circling your goals in prayer, like the Israelites circled Jericho. As you circle your goals, it not only creates God-ordained opportunities; it also helps us recognize God-ordained opportunities.
So as we finish up the first month of the year, I challenge you to dedicate your blank slate to Christ and His purposes for your life and then plan accordingly. Let’s determine to live for Christ out of our imaginations and accomplish great things for His glory in 2013!
Have you made a list of life goals? How has goal setting been beneficial to you? I’d love to read your thoughts in the comments below.
Photo credit: Carlos Fenollosa / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA
by Donya Dunlap | Oct 25, 2012 | Art and Design, How Great is Our God, The Spiritual Life
As a beginning designer I knew very little about what artists call The Creative Process. When working on a logo, I might sketch out a few ideas, but then I would jump right into my design software and work on flushing out a solution. I skipped several important steps.
Before you can adequately summarize an organization, a person, a product or group into a symbolic representation, research must be done. You need to learn all the various aspects of the its goals, its personality, its people, its mission and more before you will know how to begin a design.
From there you need to brainstorm. Taking into account all the various things you learned in your research, you then begin to consider images that symbolize those concepts and how they relate to each other. You have to consider color and the color meaning, single shapes, complex shapes, and styles. You have to try out a multitude of ideas and from there refine and refine and refine until you arrive at a completed image that adequately represents everything your client is trying to communicate to their audience.
There is a similar creative process that happens in our relationship with God.
Often we are saved and become comfortable at a church then jump right into super-Christian mode and try to serve the Savior without really knowing Him. We skip the learning and meditating parts of getting to know God and try to make Him happy with us based on our performance.
This kind of mentality hurts us and our “audience” in several ways.
- We never know what it is like to have a true, deep, meaningful relationship with God
- We lack an understanding of who God is and how He views us as His children
- We are continually frustrated with our shortcomings, and translate that into a belief that God must not be pleased with us either
- We misrepresent God to others by not walking in the Spirit and therefore causing unsaved people to think that Christians aren’t any better than the world which also effects their view of God
I wrote of this in my soon to be released book, Forgetting the Fairy Tale:
We blissfully enjoy all of God’s blessing until He takes away a relationship, or allows us to have a terminal illness, or doesn’t allow us to get married, or anything else contrary to our picture perfect Christian lives, and then we turn our backs on Him. Why? Not because He doesn’t love us anymore, but because we really never loved Him. We never got to know Him. So when He does something that doesn’t match our image of Him we get angry… We become bitter.
God is so far above us and His ways are so much higher than our ways. We will never be able to truly know Him in all of His complexity because we are human and He is divine. But we can continually grown in knowledge of His person and His grace if we “do our homework” so to speak. If we stop the continual motion of our lives and simply sit at His feet, read His Word and listen for His voice, He will reveal Himself to us.
James 4:8 tells us to “draw night to God, and He will draw nigh to you.”
The reason that we struggle so much with what God does is that we don’t know who God is. We need to pause, rewind, and court our Savior. Just like any human relationship, understanding and love takes time.
I encourage you to pull out some paper and colored pens and hang out with Him for a while. Write out His characteristics and what they mean to you. Look up verses that talk about His majesty. Read through the Gospels and write down observations of Jesus’ character and personality that stand out to you. Draw picture graphs outlining truths of who God says He is and who He says we are in Him. Get creative!
What can you do today to get creative with your relationship with God? I’d love for you to share your ideas in the comments below.
