From the time we first take breath on this planet we have a desire to be seen, loved, and wanted. As we grow, we manage this desire somewhat but it never fully goes away. We may transfer this desire from parents to a cute boy on campus, a significant role at a company, or an award or accolade, but we never lose the longing to be accepted, chosen, to matter.
On this day that magnifies human connection, those without a significant other to validate our feelings can sting. Having emotions that run deep into our core can make us feel exposed and vulnerable. We want to shrink back. We wrap our hearts in protective sheets of independence and sarcasm, perfectionism and determination.
But what if we looked at vulnerability as courage? What if allowing ourselves to rest in the tension of both desire and lack—having sincerity about our feelings, opening the truth of ourselves up to the world—what if this was an act of bravery? Instead of shrinking into the shadows of your singleness, what if you stepped into the light of God’s love and extended that love to those around you? Could you be so bold?
The beautiful and wise Brene Brown shares this in her book Daring Greatly:
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”
Encasing our hearts in the bubble wrap of self-protection feels like safety, but it blocks us from the love we seek. It hampers our ability to connect with others and to minister effectively to them.
To be vulnerable is to be like Jesus. And it helps to know that Jesus gives us the security out of which we can be real with others, for He has already chosen us. He sees all the dark secrets of our hearts and He loves us. He desires to be with us.
But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.
– 1 Peter 2:9-10
Deposit that truth deep in your soul and from that place of belonging will grow the fruit of love, empathy, and honesty needed to live a life of significance and service. God never meant for us to hide. He created us to be warriors, not wallflowers. You have everything you need within you, for you have Him!
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
– Colossians 3:12-13
On this day of pink and red and candy and flowers, lift your head and look for the outliers. Embrace the love God has for you and share it with someone who might not have the same security in Christ you have. Rest in the security of Jesus’ love for you—a love so strong He died for you! Be the brave, vulnerable, beautiful soul God created you to be, on Valentine’s Day and every day.
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For a few years now I’ve noticed others choosing a single word or phrase for the new year. This is meant as a resolution of sorts. Instead of making goals to reach, they choose a word to live by. I considered this for several days leading up to the new year. On December 31st I flew to Atlanta to take part in the Passion 2018 conference (post to come later – read last year’s here). I sat in an open, nearly empty part of the airport waiting for my friend to arrive and asked God what my word should be for 2018. The word I felt rise up in my heart is “authentic.”
“Authentic” Defined
Merriam-Webster.com defines “authentic” as:
(a)worthy of acceptance or belief as conforming to or based on fact; (b) conforming to an original so as to reproduce essential features; (c) made or done the same way as an original
not false or imitation: real, actual
true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character
Reading the definition gives further assent to the stirring I’ve received in my heart from the Lord. 2018 is to be the year of me…the real me.
Confirmation from the Critic
“The year of me…sounds a bit arrogant, doesn’t it?” That was my first thought. My first response to the Lord answering a prayer was a knee-jerk reaction of fake piousness.
See, my internal critic is a “good girl.” She’s always telling me what I should and shouldn’t do based on what other people might think. “You can’t make a whole year all about you. That’s selfish. That’s arrogant. You can’t blog about that. You’re supposed to be setting a good example.”
I’m choosing to ignore her. Why? Because my internal critic is a hypocrite and a jerk. She knows God wants to make changes in me. To grow me. To make me more useful for His kingdom purposes. And that makes her afraid. And fear shows up as fake humility, persuading me to take a step back, be small, be insignificant. It sounds good on the surface, but God is not the author of fear.
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. – 2 Timothy 1:7 KJV
“Courage, Brave heart.”
No, my God wants me to be strong and courageous. He wants me to keep my head held high, my shoulders squared, and my eyes fixed on Him and the calling He has on my life.
“Courage, Brave heart.”
Three words penned by C.S. Lewis in a children’s story I found myself scribbling on my mirror in eyeliner. I needed this reflected back to me every morning to remind myself to not give in to the fear. To shake off the words of shame heaped upon me by others. Three words I found myself clinging to through the pain of the holidays for hurting people hurt people and there is no hurt greater than the loss of love. And on the heels of such brokenness, I feel the Lord whisper…
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. – Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV
Why “Authentic” and not “Courage”
As I reflected on the year, the progress I’ve made, the trials of recent days, my constant, ongoing battle with fear, I considered “courage” as the word I should choose. But “courage” did not resonate with me as “authentic” did. Courage feels like work. Like a stirring up of will. Like showing a brave face to the world despite my misgivings. What I want is freedom.
I know within me is a woman of power. She is brave. Her eyes shine with the confidence of the Holy Spirit within her. She boldly pursues her passions because she knows God has given them to her. They are His heart and her calling.
But despite all the ways I have grown and changed, this powerful, Spirit-fueled woman is still buried beneath layers of fear and shame. She is wrapped in worries about being wrong and making mistakes, about people laughing and whispering behind lifted hands. Past experience says, “Stay small. Don’t draw attention to yourself. Failure hurts. It’s better not to try.” These are lies from the Evil One. I long to be free of them. And while the path to freedom requires courage, it’s authenticity I seek.
“Not false or imitation: real, actual”
As I shared in my last post on vulnerability, our relationship with Jesus has to be one of naked trust. I have to believe He is good and He means good for me in my life. I can read Romans 8:28 and Jeremiah 29:11 all day long, but unless I truly believe God loves me and will always do what is best for my life, I will never experience the deep connection with Him as He designed when He created me.
To be authentic is to be real. To remove those layers and walls we hide behind. Sometimes this process is painful. Sometimes joyful. But always necessary to live in freedom and power.
In the book, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, the one referenced above written by C.S. Lewis, there is a boy named Eustace. Because of his selfishness and greed, Eustace had become a dragon. He longed to be rid of his scales and become a boy again, but scrub as he might, he could never come clean as before. It took Aslan’s sharp claws to peel the dragon skin from Eustace and return him to his true self. In Eustace’s own words,
Eustace was afraid at first so he tried going his own way. Desperation forced him to turn to the One who could bring about real and lasting change. All Eustace had to do was lay down and ask Aslan to intercede on His behalf. Once free of his dragon skin, Eustace could again swim, and play, and be joyful.
What “Authentic” Means to Me
This naked realness is authenticity. To be stripped of all things not belonging to the original, forgiven, loved, called, gifted, daughter of the King of Kings God created me to be. Fear ignored. Shame removed. Giving my all. Embracing my gifts. No more feeling small and incapable when God has given me the power to do all He has asked me to do.
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. – Philippians 4:13
It may take all year for the layers to come off. Maybe more. I suspect the process of healing will never fully terminate this side of heaven. But my focus for this year is to be authentic. To be the real me in my body, mind, emotions, and spirit. To not be afraid of what God has for my future, but to fully embrace my now knowing each part of today is His gift to me. I am laying down before God and asking Him to strip me down to my real self. Will you join me?
Let me guess, you’re not a “worrier” necessarily, but you’re a “planner.” Am I right?
How did I know? Because that’s what I say too. “Worrying” is wrong and there are a number of “fret not” verses in Scripture to remind us of this, but there’s nothing in there about “planning” is there? Or if it is, it’s a good thing, right? Jesus has gone to heaven to “prepare” a place for us, and that has to take some planning. Are you with me?
So you whip out your calendar, your day-planner, your iCal, your Evernote lists and you “plan” for the worst and hope for the best. You think of every possible scenario and what you would do about it if it happens. How are you going to pay for it? How are you going to pack for it? What are you going to do if this-and-such happens?
I’m a planner and I have to say that being organized and thinking ahead are good things. They really are. The trouble comes in when we substitute our preparedness for worry.
Jesus tells us in Matthew 6:34 to,
Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
This doesn’t mean that we are supposed to live life flying by the seat of our pants. (Which is a really odd expression by the way. How does one fly by the seat of his pants exactly? Anyway…) What Jesus is saying is that we aren’t supposed to worry about things in the future, but trust Him to take care of them. The verse before this one gives us a very important caveat.
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
If we are “planning” our schedules, our budgets, and our futures without any concern for what God would have us do, what would best benefit His kingdom, what will bring Him the most glory, and what will help to advance His gospel, then we are in a heap of trouble.
We can’t just cross our fingers and hope for the best and pay God no attention. We must seek first His kingdom and His righteousness AND THEN all these things shall be added unto us. (All these things referring to verse 31 in which it lists worrying about what we will eat, drink and wear, NOT “all these things” meaning the fabulous new pair of stilettos you just found at T.J. Maxx.)
Psalm 147:11 tells us that,
The Lord taketh pleasure in them that fear him, in those that hope in his mercy.
He takes pleasure in those that choose not to worry about what might happen. He takes pleasure in those that look to Him to be with them no matter what comes because they know that He is a good and merciful God that has our best in mind. Just like the picture above, sometimes we only see part of the whole. But God sees the end from the beginning and everything in between. Even the things that don’t look good to us now, He has promised will work out in the end. Trust Him to take care of both the every day and the “ever after” and you can enjoy a life of peace, even in times of uncertainty.
Do you sometimes have a hard time believing in your heart of hearts that God has good planned for you? What character of God or verse of Scripture helps you to remember that God is worthy of our trust? Please click comment to share your thoughts.
I am guest posting today at JosephIregbu.com. I hope that you will drop by his site to read the post “Do It Afraid” but also stay awhile to be encouraged by Joseph’s writings and his story of hope. (Which is pretty incredible, I might add.) Sign up to receive his posts via e-mail and you will also get his free e-book, Lines of Impact. You might also want to check out his 90-day devotional called Selah: A 90-Day Journey of Grace and Peace. It’s a great encouragement and available on Amazon. Joseph has been a personal encouragement to me and his writings have blessed my heart. I plan to have him guest post here soon, but for now, please get to know him on his home turf.
