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My Word for 2018: Authentic

by | Jan 5, 2018 | The Spiritual Life, Write Hard Things |

My Word for 2018: Authentic // DonyaDunlap.com

For a few years now I’ve noticed others choosing a single word or phrase for the new year. This is meant as a resolution of sorts. Instead of making goals to reach, they choose a word to live by. I considered this for several days leading up to the new year. On December 31st I flew to Atlanta to take part in the Passion 2018 conference (post to come later – read last year’s here). I sat in an open, nearly empty part of the airport waiting for my friend to arrive and asked God what my word should be for 2018. The word I felt rise up in my heart is “authentic.”

“Authentic” Defined

Merriam-Webster.com defines “authentic” as:

  1. (a) worthy of acceptance or belief as conforming to or based on fact; (b) conforming to an original so as to reproduce essential features; (c) made or done the same way as an original
  2. not false or imitation: real, actual 
  3. true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character

Reading the definition gives further assent to the stirring I’ve received in my heart from the Lord. 2018 is to be the year of me…the real me.

Confirmation from the Critic

“The year of me…sounds a bit arrogant, doesn’t it?” That was my first thought. My first response to the Lord answering a prayer was a knee-jerk reaction of fake piousness.

See, my internal critic is a “good girl.” She’s always telling me what I should and shouldn’t do based on what other people might think. “You can’t make a whole year all about you. That’s selfish. That’s arrogant. You can’t blog about that. You’re supposed to be setting a good example.” 

I’m choosing to ignore her. Why? Because my internal critic is a hypocrite and a jerk. She knows God wants to make changes in me. To grow me. To make me more useful for His kingdom purposes. And that makes her afraid. And fear shows up as fake humility, persuading me to take a step back, be small, be insignificant. It sounds good on the surface, but God is not the author of fear.

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. – 2 Timothy 1:7 KJV

“Courage, Brave heart.”

No, my God wants me to be strong and courageous. He wants me to keep my head held high, my shoulders squared, and my eyes fixed on Him and the calling He has on my life.

“Courage, Brave heart.”

Three words penned by C.S. Lewis in a children’s story I found myself scribbling on my mirror in eyeliner. I needed this reflected back to me every morning to remind myself to not give in to the fear. To shake off the words of shame heaped upon me by others. Three words I found myself clinging to through the pain of the holidays for hurting people hurt people and there is no hurt greater than the loss of love. And on the heels of such brokenness, I feel the Lord whisper…

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. – Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV

Why “Authentic” and not “Courage”

As I reflected on the year, the progress I’ve made, the trials of recent days, my constant, ongoing battle with fear, I considered “courage” as the word I should choose. But “courage” did not resonate with me as “authentic” did. Courage feels like work. Like a stirring up of will. Like showing a brave face to the world despite my misgivings. What I want is freedom.
I know within me is a woman of power. She is brave. Her eyes shine with the confidence of the Holy Spirit within her. She boldly pursues her passions because she knows God has given them to her. They are His heart and her calling.
But despite all the ways I have grown and changed, this powerful, Spirit-fueled woman is still buried beneath layers of fear and shame. She is wrapped in worries about being wrong and making mistakes, about people laughing and whispering behind lifted hands. Past experience says, “Stay small. Don’t draw attention to yourself. Failure hurts. It’s better not to try.” These are lies from the Evil One. I long to be free of them. And while the path to freedom requires courage, it’s authenticity I seek.

“Not false or imitation: real, actual”

As I shared in my last post on vulnerability, our relationship with Jesus has to be one of naked trust. I have to believe He is good and He means good for me in my life. I can read Romans 8:28 and Jeremiah 29:11 all day long, but unless I truly believe God loves me and will always do what is best for my life, I will never experience the deep connection with Him as He designed when He created me.
To be authentic is to be real. To remove those layers and walls we hide behind. Sometimes this process is painful. Sometimes joyful. But always necessary to live in freedom and power.
In the book, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, the one referenced above written by C.S. Lewis, there is a boy named Eustace. Because of his selfishness and greed, Eustace had become a dragon. He longed to be rid of his scales and become a boy again, but scrub as he might, he could never come clean as before. It took Aslan’s sharp claws to peel the dragon skin from Eustace and return him to his true self. In Eustace’s own words,
“The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
 Eustace was afraid at first so he tried going his own way. Desperation forced him to turn to the One who could bring about real and lasting change. All Eustace had to do was lay down and ask Aslan to intercede on His behalf. Once free of his dragon skin, Eustace could again swim, and play, and be joyful.

What “Authentic” Means to Me

This naked realness is authenticity. To be stripped of all things not belonging to the original, forgiven, loved, called, gifted, daughter of the King of Kings God created me to be. Fear ignored. Shame removed. Giving my all. Embracing my gifts. No more feeling small and incapable when God has given me the power to do all He has asked me to do.
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. – Philippians 4:13
It may take all year for the layers to come off. Maybe more. I suspect the process of healing will never fully terminate this side of heaven. But my focus for this year is to be authentic. To be the real me in my body, mind, emotions, and spirit. To not be afraid of what God has for my future, but to fully embrace my now knowing each part of today is His gift to me. I am laying down before God and asking Him to strip me down to my real self. Will you join me?

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