When you write a book on singleness, you become an accidental expert on all things relating to love and dating. This is partially terrifying and mostly heartbreaking. I say terrifying because I am absolutely NOT an expert…on anything. It’s heartbreaking because of the kinds of questions people come to me with at times.

In today’s culture, intimacy in relationship is assumed, the why’s and how’s discussed in every medium. Virginity is considered a myth or mocked as a useless bauble. Those that choose to hold tightly to it are  ridiculed as childish, foolish, or undesirable. Why treasure a plastic trinket when you can have a different glittering jewel every night of the week?

Even many Christians believe celibacy outside of marriage is an old-fashioned, Old Testament rule that does not apply to today. Some trying to follow God’s plan wonder if doing so will sabotage them out of the happy ending that everyone else appears to be getting. They wonder, if a person withholds their bodies for their mate, what chance do they have in ever getting one? In essence, they are asking…can I trust God with my sexuality?
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Oh it doesn’t seem like that on the surface, but all of the what/if’s and if/then’s all boil down to one thing…this God that invented love, and sex, and marriage…this Creator that made my body and my hormones…this Savior that has given guidelines for living that run in complete contrast to the culture…does He really know what is best for me? Does He truly have my happiness in mind? Is my virginity, my sexuality, this mysterious thing that feels at times like such a heavy burden–is it really as precious as He says it is?

The struggle is intricately tied to our innermost desires for intimacy and acceptance. But, despite what all the magazines, books, and movies tell us, great sex is not the answer to the storm that rages in our hearts. To God, it isn’t even the main point of marriage.

Sex is a gift. A precious gift intended to melt two hearts, two bodies, and two souls together in a way that no other thing can. God designed it that way. He created the pheromones and synapses that send us unending messages of promise and desire. God imagined the nerve endings and chemical reactions that make the physical experience so satisfying and enjoyable. And to the woman who struggles with the physical ache of an empty bed and the emotional pain of rejection, the One who keeps this gift from her may seem cruel and careless, as if her happiness and fulfillment are nothing more than a carrot on a string.

But the bottom line is simply that God’s ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our fallen reasonings. He can see the big picture. We can’t. It comes down to a matter of trust. Regardless of what we think is best, or even fair, God asks us to trust Him with our bodies and our sexuality.

There are many reasons to argue for the benefits of virginity from scientific, medical, and psychological perspectives…each capable of filling many empty pages of many books. But all the arguments pale in comparison to the purity of Christ, His sacrifice for us, and His simple question…Do you trust me?

Embracing virginity is simply embracing Christ.

It is a surrender of your will to His. The benefits are many and perhaps a more detailed discussion is appropriate for another time. For today, I encourage you to search your heart. Do you believe that God has your best in mind? Are you willing to bow your knee to His wisdom despite your inner yearnings? Do you trust Him?

Photo credit: Glenn Franco Simmons / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA