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My dad once told a friend that if he ever took me to a football game, I would be worried that the guys in the huddle were talking about me. He was right.

University of Michigan football huddle

Go Blue!

Well, not literally of course, but figuratively he was spot on. I struggled quite seriously about what people think about me for years. It was a problem that would often steal my joy, fill my mind with worry and cause great anxiety. The Holy Spirit really worked in my life in this area, mainly through the message of a book called Loving God with All Your Mind by Elizabeth George and through meditating on Philippians 4:8.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things  are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. – Philippians 4:8

I actually felt like this was part of my past, until recently I have found myself struggling again with regards to my writing.

I have had several people ask why I wrote Forgetting the Fairy Tale and my answer is always the same. I couldn’t NOT write it. I have a deep passion to help young women realize that they can only find satisfaction in Christ, and not in all the ways the world is teaching them to look for it. That passion drove me through the writing, editing and publishing process and continues to burn in my heart.

Lately however,

I’ve put a lot of effort into building what is referred to as a “platform” in order to sell my book and help the message spread. While that isn’t a bad thing in itself, it has lead to a change in my internal focus from helping others into a desire to see my blog numbers increase. I started worrying about what the guys in the huddle were saying again.

Why does one post spread and others aren’t hardly opened? Maybe people really don’t think I’m a good writer. Maybe I need to be funnier. Maybe I’m just wasting my time. I hardly get any comments—I wonder what my readers are thinking?  

In all of the striving I lost sight of the goal. I lost sight of my passion. I lost my love for the “game” and became annoyed with the work of running the plays.

(And I have now reached my limit of football knowledge and applicable metaphors. Not a sports chic. Sorry.) 

Instead of applying Philippians 4:8 to my writing I have been letting my mind dwell on the necessary, but secondary elements of promotion.

So today I confess to you my sin and begin again.

I will still read the writing books and learn what I can about creating a better blog, but my focus will no longer be on the stats and how I’m scoring in the blogosphere. This means tightening up my posts and not trying to please people with my writing. No more filtering. I’m going back to the basics of putting my passion on paper and loving people, not worrying about what they can do for me.

Photo credit: marylea / Foter.com / CC BY-SA

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